Sunday, February 8, 2009



HOH’s have a very complex and many times difficult undertaking in trying to transform their woman’s character. The “formal thank you” is both an instinctive and intuitive act of submission, gratitude and reconnection. Many women instinctively drop to their knees and orally thank their HOH as a sign of their appreciation for all that he does for them. Just as many men instinctively know which and when discipline is needed for their women, many women know how to instinctively thank their HOH. Whether the HOH gains sexual enjoyment or whether it is clouded by the emotional energies surrounding the punishment is irrelevant. What is of significance is for the woman to pay attention to the causes of her punishment and not obtain any pleasure from the “formal thank you” herself. Sometimes women struggle with being punished because they feel they are being punished to often. Even if it is to help her actually feel and be more submissive to her HOH. Sometimes a woman needs to be punished more often than she feels necessary. But how often and when is not her choice, when she agreed to be submissive and obedient to her HOH she has given up that choice. This should help her sustain her submissiveness for longer periods of time. The "formal thank you" without a doubt assists a woman with her submission. It helps to establish powerful bonds between the HOH and her, her submission and his authority over her. After a punishment the woman should feel loved by her HOH. The "formal thank you" cements this love and strengthens both the role of the HOH and his woman. In DD it should not be allowed for a woman to derive enjoyment or any sexual satisfaction from her discipline. Discipline should be a punishment to teach the woman a lesson and change her behavior. However, every HOH knows what is best for his woman. The important thing to think about is that while we are all in different situations and that there are no rules or correct way of doing things, it is essential to follow the training from our HOH. After all, it is his authority to which we must abide. These blogs have tried to outline a few points which shed light on the “formal thank you”. It is not necessarily overtly sexual for either party. It has also summarized some of the many loving rewards for both the HOH and his woman. I personally love the closure and feelings that performing a “formal than you” on my husband (HOH) gives me. I do not have an orgasm or get “turned on” by it yet I can and will orgasm from a playful sensual spanking. It is not giving him a “blow job”, that is a sex act almost always followed by intercourse and orgasm. I am giving him the respect and love he deserves for having to punish me. I know it sounds weird to say that being on my knees in front of my husband with a red butt makes me feel more loved than almost any other time. I also feel closer to him. As he holds my head and wipes my tears it makes me feel ashamed that I in essence forced him to spank me. If I did or didn’t do what we discussed then he would not have had to spank me. But I know no matter what he loves me and would do anything that is required of him to keep me safe and on track. Thank you for reading my blogs and I welcome your comments and suggestions. Smooches.

Monday, January 26, 2009

How the "Formal Thank You" helps the HOH

The "Proper or Formal Thank you" as a nonsexual Act

The DD way of life is very clear in its significance of punishment. It is the use of corporal punishment to diminish unconstructive behaviors and enhance positive behaviors. In short, it is modifying the woman’s demeanor so that she can achieve her greatest potential as a woman, wife and mother. The dilemma which arises is how to sufficiently show appreciation to the HOH for all his hard work? There is no question that the woman should constantly express thanks to her HOH before, during and after she has been disciplined. Nevertheless, few women recognize that their HOH has gone to great lengths to discipline them. Some women are so appreciative that they humbly fall to their knees and perform what is recognized in DD circles as the “proper or formal thank you.” A “proper thank you” is when the woman fellates her man after discipline. Some couples have mistaken the “proper thank you” as a sexual act, but nothing could be further than reality. The “proper thank you” is not the same as oral sex – it is not blatantly sexual. Disheartened couples, who are trying to separate punishment from sex, should rest assured that the “formal thank you,” is something entirely different. When giving sexual fellatio, I find that the act has a definite technique, skill and element of surprise. Frequently the woman plans in advance, by discovering new ways and skills, so as to make it exciting and sexually stimulating for her HOH. The woman will herself feel sexually aroused at her man’s pleasure. She could also feel a sense of delight and triumph at being able to please her man in such a way. She will frequently think about new ways and skills to please and may start off by tenderly and leisurely teasing her man as she builds up the energy. The aspect of surprise is key since it keeps her man wondering, never quite knowing her next move. Covering the act of fellatio in mystery and surprise may sound calculating, but nothing could be further from the truth. The woman knows that her man receives immense sexual pleasure from her efforts yet she still serves him submissively and willingly. The aspect of surprise by keeping her man guessing is for his sexual gratification. If she were to only follow his explicit orders in each and every stage of a sex act, then her man would not reach such a powerful sexual satisfaction. He would grow bored and the woman would feel insignificant. The “formal thank you,” nevertheless, does not have the factor of skill, technique and surprise. After she has been punished, chastised and humbled until she is expressing remorse and crying, sex is certainly the last thing on her mind. She will not be capable of considering the technique and her pleasure, if her thoughts are still tuned in to the causes of her misbehaviors. She will not be capable to fellate her man sexually, if in her mind the words are still echoing from the scolding and her thoughts are drawn to the throbbing and pain of her recently spanked butt. She may be crying moderately hard and find it difficult to breath. She is also feeling embarrassment and remorse from having to have her HOH punish her. As she continues crying she may be struggling to catch her breath and be unable to prevent herself from choking. Although there is nothing obviously sexy in a "formal thank you" many DD women find that it is a genuinely feminine and intuitive act. This act will naturally assist them in becoming a submissive woman. It is something they instinctively do to show their utmost appreciation to their HOH. Her discipline can, consequently, remain non-sexual, as long as she is not receiving any "direct" sexual gratification herself. There is no explanation why the woman should not realize what her HOH is trying to teach her from the discipline and then formally thank her man. In other words, her discipline would not be diminished by imposing a sexual interpretation on her fellatio. The "formal thank you" is a very natural and responsive method for a woman to show her profound gratitude and admiration to her HOH. Countless men also depict the “formal thank you” as not explicitly sexual. The sense of power and release that they feel is not the equivalent loving sexual power they experience during lovemaking. They can be overcome by their woman’s emotions and are often inundated by their own inconsistent emotions. On the one hand, they feel satisfaction in a job well done, by disciplining their woman successfully; on the other, they feel sympathy in seeing their woman in pain and in tears. In addition to their contradictory emotions, the HOH may possibly feel physically and emotionally exhausted, particularly if the woman’s punishment has gone on for an extended point of time. There are other men, nonetheless, who do achieve immense sexual delight from fellatio after punishing their woman. This is also extremely normal. The essential thing is, for his woman not to reach any direct sexual pleasure from the act herself. Or else, the most essential purpose of her discipline will turn into a sex act and she will not learn or grow from the lesson her HOH is trying to teach her.

My next blog in the series will be about how the "Formal Thank You" helps the HOH.

For a HOH, there is no other view more stunning than his woman submissively performing fellatio on him after she has been punished. As she kneels down before him crying remorsefully, she expresses her greatest appreciation and gratitude in the most overwhelmingly feminine way. Performing fellatio on him is a powerfully appreciative act, which respectfully and submissively thanks her HOH for putting so much time and attention into her personal progress and maturity. The “formal thank you” goes way beyond the physical pleasure of sexual fellatio. It is an intensely submissive act. The woman’s submission is a non-verbal way of showing immense gratitude to her HOH. This gratitude is particularly important, since it supports his place as HOH and leader of the home, who has the responsibility to love, treasure and discipline her when she misbehaves or needs correction. The HOH will also benefit since it reaffirms that he has handled his responsibilities appropriately. It isn’t just a “thank you,” but an immense “thank you.” He will sense that he will have carried out his undertaking well. It is the "conclusion" of the discipline. The entire progression of discipline and forgiveness is not complete without the woman's physical display of gratitude. It is the often omitted piece of the lesson – the act of the “formal thank you,” after discipline, which will not come full circle and affectionately bring everything back into its correct place and conclusion until it is preformed. As the woman meekly kneels down before him and performs fellatio on her HOH, she can be obsessed by intense desires to seek out his support and forgiveness. This impulse is two fold, since it also cements her HOH’s natural feelings as her protector. Her HOH benefits since the “formal thank you” supports the significance of her feelings that she truly belongs to him. It also strengthens the significance that she has submissively surrendered herself to his will with out question.

My next blog in the series will be about how the "Formal Thank You" helps the woman.

Monday, January 19, 2009

What does submission mean to me?

The dictionary defines submission as: a willingness to yield or surrender to somebody, or the act of doing so.

Submission of any kind does not come naturally to anyone, male or female. Submission has nothing to do with humoring one's husband, or aiding and abetting his whims, it is the means through which a wife yields to, and empowers, her husband. It means, submit to your husband as willingly and wholehearted as you can, provided that the essence and goal of your submission is a loving, nurturing, respectful and lasting marriage. The wife's responsibility to submit to her husband must be seen as an essential part of her undertaking to be a partner to her husband.

Some synonyms are:
Obedience: the act or practice of following instructions, complying with rules or regulations, or submitting to somebody's authority.
Compliance: readiness to conform or agree to do something.
Capitulation: surrender or a giving up of resistance.
Surrender: to yield to a strong emotion, influence, or temptation.
Acquiescence: to agree or comply with something in a passive or reserved way.
Giving in: to allow somebody to have something such as power or a right.
Deference: submission to the judgment, opinion, or wishes of another person.
Assent: a formal expression of agreement or acceptance.

These words have motivated me to fulfill my role as a wife, in submission and love. Many people do not understand what submission really means or the importance of submission and that submission is the “cement” of love and marriage.

What is the opposite of submission? It is definitely 1st and foremost PRIDE, self-importance, arrogance, resistance, confrontation, fight, fighting, battle, struggle, conflict, and opposition. These are all words that should NEVER describe a relationship, especially a marriage.

Why is it sometimes hard for me, a wife to be submissive to my husband? Well, self-will, pride, “I’m right,” it looks like he’s not capable of making that decision, etc. are things I sometimes question or think. Am I being truly submissive? No, I am undermining my husband’s authority and self worth. I am being disobedient and defiant. I am failing the both of us.

Can a wife be submissive and still have a rebellious heart? Yes, as far as the outward “act” of submission—but not as far as true submission, this is an attitude of the heart. When you have true submission it is a behavior that requires much obedience, discipline and self-control. It is very hard to do, but true submission is not an act, it is the greatest gift you can give your husband. To submit without question to your husband knowing that he always has your best interests at heart is the most difficult thing you will ever do but it will also be the most liberating thing you will ever do. Submission involves a great deal of mental and physical effort or exertion and is often difficult or awkward to do or achieve. A rebellious wife is a stumbling block in the life of her husband and their marriage. Emotional insecurity, peer pressure, and everyday worries nag even the most confident male in the world, because of the power-orientation nature of man. The rebelliousness of the wife aggravates this and mortally infects the relationship between them. The wife has a duty to enable her husband to shift from the outside world to that of a loving home not only because that will result in her being loved and respected by her husband, but also because it is her duty as a wife. Submission is the sacrifice she makes therefore enabling her man to be successful in his responsibilities as a husband. Just as no man can become a husband without a woman, so also no husband can become an ideal husband, or do justice to his responsibility as a husband, without the help of his wife.

Does submission mean a wife never thinks for herself, never has an opinion, and never makes a decision? No, a wife should tell her husband how she feels, what she thinks about an issue and then commit the situation and the outcome to her husband, always trusting and obeying her husband. Submission does not mean that I always agree with my husband’s decision or choice but I always yield to him. There are some decisions my husband wants me to make. These are a part of being submissive. If I make the wrong choice I have to live with the consequences. Given the dynamics of family life as well as male nature, it is natural to incorporate wifely submission in order to help the husband to become a 'proper' husband, which no man is at the beginning. It is important to remember that the wife's submission should be received and given as a gift, not as a ‘right,’ by the husband nor is submission to be offered and withdrawn as wanted by the wife. Both wife and husband have a shared and sacred duty to ensure that this remains a gift and does not turn into exploitation of the wife. The husband especially must have the maturity to know that if improperly received and exploited, the submission that his wife offers will cease to be a gift resulting in harm to both parties.

Rather than feel aggrieved by having to obey their husbands and submitting to them, wives should welcome this practical guideline for making their homes a haven of peace, harmony and fulfillment. But it is not easy to submit. Why is it desirable, that wives submit to, or obey, their husbands? Wouldn’t it have been more polite, instead, to instruct them to 'love' their husbands? The paradox is that it is the strong that need to submit and can do so without feeling humiliated. The submission of the weak is involuntary and leads to helplessness. To the world, however, submission suggests defeat and humiliation. The quest for power, and our cultural differences, stigmatizes this option. Our cultures assume that women who submit to their husbands are weak, abused and have something wrong with them. It is not because they are weak that wives are to submit to their husbands, but precisely because they are strong. And it is not just to obtain domestic peace that they need to so submit. Submission that is compelling and given without restraint is not a character flaw but a gift. Its purpose is blessing and loving their husbands, liberation and it is positive to both parties, all of which result in empowerment. The characteristic of an empowered woman is that she empowers both her and her husband through her submission to him. A husband who coerces or forces his wife into submission, presuming male superiority, denies himself the empowering love or gift of his wife’s submission.

I guess what it all comes down to is my submission to my husband is a powerful gift not given or taken lightly. Do I always think of my submission as a gift? No, especially when my butt is bright red. But I always know I do it willingly and with an open heart and soul. Would I ever change our relationship? Never for a minute. Do I ever feel unfairly punished? Yes, what wife doesn’t when she is hopping around with a freshly spanked butt? Will I submit to my husband next time he gets out the paddle, brush or belt? Yes, willing and with out question. Does my husband abuse me? No, I was in an abusive marriage before. I never allowed my ex-husband to spank me. He did not have that type of respect for me or our relationship. I am in a normal, happy, loving, respectful, and wonderful marriage where I submit to my husband and he is the Head of our Household. He spanks me & I am thankful and grateful for each and every time he whispers in my ear “You will be spanked…”

Thank you for reading my thoughts and allowing me to express myself here in this blog.


The word submissive usually gets a bad rap publicity, especially when it comes to relationships.

The term "submissive wife" makes some woman wince and causes many other people to shake their heads in anger or disgust. The fact is a strong powerful woman can still be submissive, if that is her desired preference. Since "the right to choose" seems to be the call of society, people should respect the choices of other people, even when they don't agree with it.

Being submissive to your husband is all about making certain choices or goals in your life. It takes dedication and effort to be submissive and support your husband, to encourage him, and be his soul mate throughout your life. It is not at all about being meek or a doormat, although these words are frequently used to describe a submissive wife. It does not imply that she is pathetic, helpless, or crazy in any way, but quite the reverse, it is with her submission and obedience that she strengthens and empowers herself. She helps her husband become the man he needs to be and she becomes the woman she yearns to be.

Anyone using good judgment knows, the term submissive does not mean she is subservient or unequal to her husband, or consents to him to exploiting or abusing her. In reality these husbands are more respectful and loving to their wives and usually remain faithful. The suggestion that her desire to be submissive to her husband means that she can be physically and mentally abused is simply incorrect. Women were in no way intended to be walked on, and those that choose to treat their woman that way are not truly men they are just boys playing around. Women who have a submissive side and a loving respectful relationship with their husband don't experience abuse at all. Her submission doesn't give him permission to use violence or cruelty toward his wife or treat her like an animal. Many husbands depict their wife who has decided to live a life of submissiveness and obedience to him as, "...the most significant person in my life, and her submissiveness is a respected and dear gift given to me by her." Abused or a doormat I don’t think so! How many women would give everything if their husbands said that about them? Almost all in those so called perfect marriages. In marriages where there is a submissive wife there is almost no anger, fighting, name calling and all the negative other things involved in most modern day marriages. A traditional or old fashioned marriage is where the man has the responsibility to be the head of the household and the woman is the submissive. Of course, a man can exploit this responsibility, but if he truly loves and cares for his wife this will never happen. Society tells men to be head of the household, but over and over again, society also describes woman as play things or trash. Just because there are conflicting ideas and values in society that doesn't give a man license to exploit his wife or treat her as inferior, he should love and protect her to love her more than life itself.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Women Crave Arguments and Drama

Women Crave Arguments and Drama

Women live off of emotion while men instead live life based on logic. Women crave the excitement of emotions like anger, longing, lust, and happiness. Meanwhile men prefer to end arguments quickly with logic, rather then prolong it in order to feel emotionally satisfied. This is basic human nature. I get spanked every once in a while. I know when I deserve it. After we have had an argument my husband takes me by the hand into our bedroom. Then I am asked to undress, usually I am pretty nervous by this point, but I always do it. I love it best when I am pulled over his lap and can feel the closeness of him as he is spanking me. Usually the first spank is the hardest. I usually I get about a dozen spanks, Then I thank my husband by performing oral on him. Nothing makes me feel more submissive then kneeling on the floor with a red ass performing oral on my husband. Our relationship is a lot better after these spankings.

Is spanking acceptable as punishment? Well if it is consensual it is. But if it is forced, then it is as good as abuse. The term for it is Domestic Discipline which quite a number of people globally are involved in. Nothing weird about it, more common than many people think but definitely not weird. In fact there was a study done sometime back that marriages that had a Domestic Discipline element hardly ever ended in divorce.

Punishment spanking isn’t only physically painful as it is emotionally painful, humiliating. I think spanking is a very sensual act. The buttocks are both an erogenous zone themselves and spanking the nerve endings stimulate sensuality. Spanking hard enough causes the body to release endorphins which are the body's natural high to deal with pain. Spanking a bottom is the best way to get a point across. I usually get turned on by a spanking but I am never turned on when I am getting a punishment spanking. I am to busy feeling ashamed for what I did to get a spanking. Yes, I am ashamed that I made my husband resort to spanking me. He is doing what is best for me and if I didn't misbehave then I would not be punished. When you are a spanked you know the difference between a punishment spanking and an maintenance spanking. When you get a maintenance spanking it hurts but it doesn't really hurt as much a punishment spanking but you cry either way because it is embarrassing to get spanked.

I am 43. My husband is 38. He spanks me when I do something I shouldn't. He uses a strap, a paddle, a hairbrush and we are working up to the belt. He makes me remove my clothes and either lay across the bed, or he puts me over his lap. I am spanked until I am crying very hard. I know I deserve the spankings he gives me. I get spanked by my husband when I do something which we deemed unacceptable. I am spanked OTK, with a paddle or however he determines. I deserve the spankings, they need to be severe in order to break me of naughtiness or bad habits. I'm glad that at least some of my punishments are administered across my husband's lap. That's precisely where a I deserve to be put when my bottom requires disciplinary attention. It is quite painful and humiliating but sure is better than getting into arguments along with hours of silence.

There are so many people in the world who do not believe it is the responsibility of the husband to spank his wife. A woman may be different from a man, but neither one is above the other. Most people think that in DD the husband is the end all, be all in the marriage but the wife has a equal say in the marriage. Why shouldn't a wife be punished when she does something her husband and she perceives as "naughty"? She is an adult, and she has a right to do whatever she wants so long as it is not illegal. If she wants to submit to her husband and give him the authority to spank/punish her than it is her choice. She is not crazy, abused or weird. She is doing what she needs or wants in her life. It is not easy to make that decision to give that authority to her husband. No one wants to be punished but there are times that I need, crave or deserve it.

I very much don't want to be spanked/punished. But if I
speed, then the correct punishment is to have to pay the fine. If I am bratty or do something that both my husband and I deems wrong then I pay the fine. Maybe the fine is a spanking, or corner time but again there are rules (laws) in our house and I have to pay the fine. It seems to me that I would try not to do something that will get me punished but sometimes I just can't help myself.

I don't consider what my husband does as abuse. I was raised in a home where the husband was the head of the house. What Dad said went. When my brother, sister, and I disobeyed , he spanked us with his belt. My husband has spanked me for many reasons sometimes just because I needed it. He spanked my bare bottom until I could not sit. I guess if it is ok with me I should not worry about what other people think.

A lot of woman I know think that they want to run the household and not submit to her husband. However, I don't feel that way. I feel that it is the man who should be the head of the household. He should make the decisions, and of course consider the wife's decision. But if the wife does something extremely wrong or is out of control, I believe that the husband has a
responsibility to spank her. That may seem twisted to a lot of people, but my husband spanks me, as long as I agree then we are going to continue. I think that it helps to settle things. I don't agree with the modernized world where women are taking over the household and shoving the husband's needs aside. I'm not saying that women should say home all the time and cook and clean. Woman should be able to have jobs. I agreed to be punished; still think that the husband should be the head of the household and do as they see fit to protect the wife and the family unit.

The key is that domestic discipline, where the husband lovingly leads, guides, and CORRECTS his wife (with spanking, corner time, etc.), has to truly consensual. Some women cannot imagine that woman like me actually want such a relationship. But for me it makes for harmony in the home, better behavior, and great sex!

My husband is never unfair to me when it comes to my punishments and I don't blame him for the times he has corrected me. Each spanking was consensual. I was spanked until he felt I had enough. I have to be completely naked be vulnerable and accepting. I wasn't talked in to a DD lifestyle. It was my idea. I am always forgiven for what I do and it is never brought up again. I am not spanked over every little thing and he never yells or calls me names. I am quite content in my marriage and my life and I am glad I am married to a man who is able to protect & correct me. I feel as if you are in a loving relationship, and this is completely consensual, and between a husband and his wife. It is perfectly fine. I am pulling my moral beliefs from the bible. You are to submit to your own husbands AS UNTO THE LORD . We are to obey them in ALL things. Now they are supposed to love you more than themselves and care for you. As long as this is going on and you are only being punished, not abused, and this is consensual.........IT IS A GOOD THING.

Fellatio as a gesture of appreciation

In this series of blogs I will take a look at the for the most part, a traditional and expected method a woman can be thankful to her man for discipline. In a Domestic Discipline (DD) marriage both husband and wife commit to each other but the husband is the main leader or the Head of Household (HOH). A woman who is sure of herself and is made to feel good about who she is will not have a problem submitting to her husband’s loving influence and correction. No matter if it is Punishment spanking, Pre-emptive spanking or Maintenance Discipline. It is all discipline to correct, improve or prevent a behavior. Fellatio as a gesture of appreciation will be looked at, as well as the benefits such appreciations offer both the HOH and his woman.

It is a tough and difficult responsibility for the HOH to agree to carry.

Has any submissive woman ever considered how tough her HOH’s responsibility really is? Being the head and manager of the family can be an extremely exhausting and frustrating job.

  • He has all the responsibility to plan and arrange time for a suitable punishment to fit her misconduct. To make the punishment fit the crime with out being excessive or unfair.
  • He has to frequently stop and judge her thoughts and emotions, before giving correction, to distinguish if she is ready to learn from her punishment.
  • He has the constant worry over whether or not she has been successfully reprimanded, before during and after her punishment.
  • He has the pain in his hand or arm from repetitively spanking her butt.
  • He has the anxiety over whether it is his fault for not punishing her successfully, if she has frequent repeats the same misbehavior over a fairly short space of time.
  • He has the constant worry over whether it is his fault (the ineffectiveness of the punishment) if he does not succeed in bringing her to tears and remorse.
  • He has to put what ever feelings he has (annoyance, sadness, or anger) aside so that he will not cause undo pain or harm to her. He has to know his own strength.
  • And then there is the entirety unpleasant responsibility of spanking his woman to tears. The unpleasantness of causing her to cry, by repeatedly causing pain to her butt for her own good.

I have read posts where women passionately deny that their HOH is stressed out at all. In fact they say that her HOH is receiving enormous pleasure from punishing his woman by spanking her in to submission. A HOH may perceive his responsibility as head of the family a bit differently than his woman. Most HOHs who take their position seriously will protect their woman from outside influences and herself with authority, while she may take his actions as challenging or controlling. Possibly these women are confusing a punishment spanking, Pre-emptive spanking or Maintenance Discipline with the enjoyment of an erotic spanking? There are many different types of spankings. While some women will find some spankings sensual or enjoyable, during these times the HOH may be spanking in a playful sensual way. But there are very few who will find any direct enjoyment out of a punishment spanking and/or discipline. The pain, disgrace and humiliation of a punishment are enough to shatter the woman’s barriers and leave her in an ashamed and submissive state. Surely her HOH cannot be so cruel as to take pleasure in disciplining their dearly loved woman until she is crying remorsefully from both the pain and humiliation of her spanking?

My next blog in the series will be about the significance of punishment and a formal thank you as a nonsexual act.

Thank you for reading my blogs and I welcome your comments and suggestions. Smooches. ~P~